Thursday 4th September - 21:05, Corus factory, Beverwijk (Dutch time)

Those of you who know me will know that I am not a naturally spontaneous person. I like my life planned, I like to know the parameters I am faced with in order to construct my plans within them. And I don't like it when plans change unexpectedly, or for reasons beyond my control. Well, not much anyway. So not knowing when the boat is going to depart is fraying my nerves a little. At one point we thought it would be Tuesday morning or even Monday night, but since I arrived on ship (about 2pm Tuesday) the departure time has been pushed further and further back, and now stands at Friday afternoon. It's because of the rain - we are carrying high quality steel which can only be loaded when it's dry. It's going to make cars apparently. So every time it starts raining again (which is reasonably often) my heart sinks as it means more delays.

It's not just the changeability I am finding difficult. It is also the act of waiting, which is another thing I have never liked (exam results etc). I am waiting for a journey full of unexpectedness to begin, and in the absence of it beginning my mind is filling up with fantasies (mainly bad - seasickness, boredom, not being able to get the radio to work out at sea, menningitis and appendicitis and the boat sinking etc). If it would only start I could put my mind to the task in hadn, which is supposed to be reading and thinking about America, and then writing about it. But worrying is consuming most of my mental energy, so the intellectual project is onl hold. For now at least.